Missing You
by fangirl-of-the-fandoms
Summary: After Edward left, Bella lived a somewhat happy life. But because Edward never returned, the hole inside her never sealed. Now years later she finally sees the last person she thought she'd ever see again. A oneshot


Missing you

It has been 74 years since Edward has left me. I am now 92 years old and I am nearly on my death-bed. I don't mind, though. I wasn't scared of death. I welcomed it.

Many years ago I would have feared death, and I would have been eager for it. But since then I have grew older and I have matured.

After Edward left me in those woods I was heart-broken and afraid of what the world would be like without him. And it is true, for many months after his departure I was a hollow hole inside of a human skin. My father was scared that he would be the one who'd have to deal with a therapist and he threatened to send me to Jacksonville to live with my mother. Of course I was furious. . . And afraid. I was afraid that if I left Forks there would be no proof that Edward had been real and that he wasn't just a figment of my imagination. Now I realize Charlie only had my best intentions in mind, but back then I was naïve and I thought he was trying to get rid of me.

There was a time where I spent all my free time with Jacob Black. After the first time I visited him in La Push I started to go there in every moment of my free time, we even started working on these motor bikes together, or rather, he worked on the motor bikes and I would watched. With Jacob, I was always more happy than I was without him. Without realizing, the shell I had built up over the past months had started to crack and crumble when I was with Jacob. I always loved Jacob like a brother, He had become my best friend, but he thought we were something otherwise. . .

I remember the first day Jacob started to pull away from me. He was accompanying me on a group out to the movies—Or, what was _suppose_ to be a group. It ended up only being Jacob, Mike Newton, and myself, oh, how awkward that had been! I laughed out loud at the thought, but it quickly turned into a cough. They had both become 'sick' that day. I remembered how for two weeks Jacob claimed to had mononucleosis and I wasn't allowed to see him.

And then there was the Laurent Situation. . .

I shivered as I remembered going to the meadow where I saw Laurent. Edward had showed up in my conscience for one of too many times, telling me what I needed to do if I valued my life. Although, the thing was, I didn't know if I did. None-the-less I did as I was told, only giving up hope when his lips were just hovering over the revealed tender skin of my neck. I watched in terror as he calculated the location the bite that would end my life. I was eager for death, but I was also afraid. Death meant a world without Edward. Even if I would never have seen him again, anything would have been better than that. That was when the _werewolves _showed up. They had leaped out of the trees and chased Laurent away, Jake with them.

Jake had continued with his absence after my encounter in the meadow. I could practically feel the hole inside my chest re-opening every day that I realized I would not be seeing him again. I called him nearly every half hour for about a week before I was fed up, I had driven to La Push and waited for Jacob to come home, and then when I saw him—And he told me we couldn't be friends anymore—It felt like Edward all over again. I knew that was the finale blow to the black hole in my chest before it blew up, I could feel it tearing me apart slowly from the inside. I felt like Jake was trying to subtly break up with me, and get away with me. But Jake had nowhere to go but the reservation, unlike Edward, who had an opportunity and took it.

That night I felt broken like a cracked mirror. When I heard the noise outside my window I was petrified. I thought it was Laurent, or worst. . . _Victoria._

The sound was like fingernails against glass. I was about to scream when I heard a familiar husky voice telling me to open the window—Following with another rock towards the side of my house. When Jake came in he tried giving me hints about his behavior, it was clear that he was frustrated when I didn't get it. It wasn't until the next day that I had put all the pieces together. When I confronted him about my suspicions we were both overjoyed that the iced had melted and I was sent straight to Emily's (Sam's fiancé) House after I witnessed the transformation of not only Jacob, but Jacob _and_ Paul. Although, like always, I adjusted to the mythical situation.

Time past and it was almost like nothing ever happened between Jacob and I. The only difference was all the lack of sleep between the wolves, weekly rotation forest patrols, and more time spent at Emily's.

Jacob was patient with me, always careful with exposing his feelings around me, and _always_ noticing when I exposed a bit more of my emotions to him then before. It was like crushing in third grade. except Jacob wasn't that subtle.

Everything was going great with the wolves.

And then Victoria came.

The wolves protected me, of course, but the dance they did in between territories lasted months. When they finally decided to confront her directly they found out she had an entire _army_ of newborn vampires with her. Jake told me that there were barely fifteen vampires, but I had a feeling he was bluffing the truth for my benefit. After Victoria was long gone much happened.

Shortly before Victoria's attack I had graduated from high school and enrolled into the nearest University. In the next few years Jake then graduated from high school but decided not to go to University, insisting that he had a roll to play in being a werewolf. Sam and Emily had also had their first child, a baby boy they named Joshua Uley after Sam's father, Kim and Jared got engaged, and my bond with Jacob grew into a relationship. Unfortunately, that relationship didn't last very long, a few years, at the most. In my mid-twenties Jacob had decided he wanted to find his soul mate, he wanted to imprint on somebody. And, although he insisted that he loved me and he didn't want to, he said he needed to let me go so I wouldn't be hurt. I had pleaded like I had with Edward but I knew it was no use. My Jacob was gone; He wasn't even my Jacob anymore.

I had turned into the shelled-in Bella I had become after Edward left, with that giant hole lingering in my chest with nothing to seal it up this time. Although it was not nearly as bad the second time, I had already been down a far worst path and I had no intention in being in that much pain again. Emily and the rest of the women of the pack tried to comfort me but, like I had with my old friends, I had pushed them away, and eventually they stopped trying. I had stopped communication with the pack or anyone associated entirely by that point. my shelled-self stayed that way until my early thirties. When I finally started to realize my state of mind and physical appearance I decided that everyone around me had suffered enough and I needed to clean up my act. Edward was never ever going to come back. I knew that before Victoria's army attacked but it wasn't until that moment that I had finally admit it to myself directly.

I then decided that I was going to travel the world, leave all my connections back here. Have a clean break. I knew there was no point for me to try to find love as I knew I would never love anybody as much as I love Edward.

I travelled the world for many years, always finding a way to get work and manage my fees, I never stayed too long in one place, two-three weeks tops, just enough time for me to feel like a normal tourist. I loved travelling, everything was so exotic and I always received a thrill to experience the unknown. I had also picked up many languages in my travels, although I had always avoided Italy entirely, never forgetting what Edward had said about the Volturi, as I never wanted to risk encountering that connection.

I never forgot Edward, either. I never forgot about any of them. I never forgot Alice, that miniature pixie with a bouncing urge to shop wherever she went, or Esmé, who had always been so much like a mother to me when I had stayed, I hadn't even forgotten Emmett, that giant teddy bear was like the big brother I never wanted. I smiled sadly as I thought of my favorite people, even now, that I haven't them in 74 years.

In my late forties I learn through Renée that Charlie had passed away of a heart attack. I had been very depressed after receiving this news, at the time I had been is Switzerland. I had needed time to processed the news so I had stayed in the country for about a month just moping around before I moved on.

I never went back to Switzerland.

It was at about that time I changed my last name is my mother's maiden name, Higginbotham. I felt less connected that way. I felt bad for Renée because Phil had passed away just years before and now she was all alone. While thinking this I couldn't help but wonder when my mother had passed away, even now, with the possibility of joining her at any moment. I couldn't help but feel sorrow at the fact that I never looked into the date of my mother's death, because I was afraid of what I would feel, losing yet another person I held dearly.

Even as I approached my early eighties I never settled down, although I had minimized my travelling to one state in the U.S. For right at this moment, on my death-bed. I lay in a hospital in Barrow, Alaska. The least sunny city in Alaska, ironic, no? I was dying from vital organ failure in my body, but it is to be expected, with my old age, and it is better than the heart attack I thought would bring my death, like my father. For now, the only thing keeping my alive was the white oxygen tank pumping air into my lungs.

I was still pondering in my thoughts when the person I least expected to see walked through the door.

"Hello Ms. Higginbotham. How are you doing? Do you feel alright? I am afraid that even with the oxygen tank you are not getting enough air and you will pass on your own without our help. . . Ms. Higginbotham? Are you still there?" Carlisle said frantically while all I did was stared at him. I needed to keep breathing, I wanted this last conversation.

Surprised at how much effort I needed to speak I breathed out "Carlisle. . ."

Surprised crossed his perfect face. He looked down to his clip board and flipped through a few pages before his eyes widened and his eyes redirected to me. "Bella," He said quietly "Is it really you?" I nodded "I am. . . So sorry. . ." He said hesitantly. But I didn't understand.

Just as I started to feel I bit more faint there was a knock on the door. Carlisle, still watching me, called "Come in".

The air from the oxygen tank hung in my throat at I watched who came through the doors. Somewhere distant I remember to breath and I did so. _Bella don't die, you want this conversation to happen and dying won't help anything_ I thought desperately. Just then, Edward spoke.

"Carlisle, you are needed in room three zero fi—. . . _what?_" He whispered the last part before his eyes came to my face "Bella?" He whispered, his voice cracking halfway through my name.

"Edward" I whispered back. This was actually him. at first I thought I was hallucinating from the lack of air to my brain but it was actually _him_. My heart ached to touch him.

"Oh, Bella!" He said, relief and pain washed through his face and in an instant he was at my side, taking my hand.

"Edward. . ." Carlisle started warily "Edward, she's going to. . . Um" Edward waved a hand at him to stop him but I knew what he was going to say. _She's going to die soon_.

"Oh, my god, Bella! I am so sorry. I missed you. I love you." Edward's voice swelled with affection. Although what he just said didn't make sense, he told me he didn't love me. I didn't dwell on it, I didn't have much time.

"I love you too, Edward." And at that moment I knew it was true. I don't know if I actually ever got over Edward, all I remember is that it got to a point where it didn't hurt to say or think his name anymore and it became bearable to open the drawer at the back of my mind and let myself look through my memories and enjoy what I remembered from when I was young.

In the time I had left we shared in silence. As Edward stayed by my side and held my hand he looked to the sky and murmured prayers, while Carlisle checked to see if the oxygen tank and the cords I was connected to was still working. I just laid there, treasuring the opportunity see Edward's face, to hear his voice, just one more time. I wanted his face to be the last thing I see.

As I felt myself approach what would be my last moments on earth I said what I wanted to be my last words, and what I wanted Edward to hear. "Edward, you were my first and my only love, I had spent years mourning your absence in my life, but now, watching for what will be the last time, I realise in the same moment that I realised you are a blessing, that, Edward Cullen. In this life, in my past lives, and in my future lives, I have and never will love anything or anyone as much as I love you." My vision was getting foggy now.

As I felt myself release my last breath and hear my heart slow I kept my eyes on Edward as he said "_Isabella Marie Swan, I can never live in a world where you don't exist. . ."_

_With those last words spoken from my true love I let myself go from this world as I prepared to explore another. . ._


End file.
